Americans. People of America. As you are no doubt aware, the United States of America is in a state of turmoil. The government has been overthrown due to poor handling. It's best, I think. Poor handling of one of the most powerful nations on the planet's never something we're looking for, is it? The President has been assassinated by PM Harold Saxon, and Harold Saxon has in turn been assassinated. Lots of assassinations, lots of blood, so we're not going to show it on the 8 o'clock news.
Due to…some decree of something and someplace or other, I have been chosen to rule your country. I think they said it was…
Popularity? Really? Well, that’s…nice. Anyway, so, as your new ruler/President/person, I have comprised a new cabinet to help run the country through this difficult time.
My vice president would be William Clinton. Not a bad chap, actually. Bit rubbish with women, but who isn't nowadays? Anyway, he'll be working with me, helping me understand everything that you lot want me to do.
Who can defend this country against terrorism while still respecting the rule of law and civil rights? It's a difficult decision. I've decided to name James Bond as Secretary of Defense. Just, loyal, all that. Sort of thing this country needs.
He's not American.
Neither am I, that's not stopping you from making me sit in front of this camera, is it?
As Secretary of Treasury, I have named Franklin D. Roosevelt. Now, I'm aware most of you either have no idea who this bloke is or think he's died. That's all right, because at some point, in some timeline, he has. I just sort of nipped back to the past, picked him up and got him suited for office. Also fixed him with new legs. He made the New Deal work back then, maybe he can fix up the US's economy now.
His surgery was botched, Lord Doctor.
Don't call me that.
He's over 80% cybernetic now.
Who did his surgery?
Dr. Jan Adams.
Really? Never heard of him. Am I still on air?
Sorry! Right! So! For Interior, I've assigned the whole thing to Derek Zoolander. Bloke knows style, and if this country needs a room-makeover-whatever, he can do it. On top of that, he's a good face on this country, innit he? Does that whole face…thing. Anyway.
For Secretary of State, I've assigned Nelson Mandela. One of the greatest diplomats of all time. Now, due to the fact that he's gotten rather old and crotchety in these last few years, I've gone back and picked him up from thirty years ago. We've exiled the current Mandela to Australia to make sure they don't run into each other and destroy ¾ of the universe. Australians are relatively harmless, unless they're Tegan Jovanka.
That's not going to give you very good appreciation points from the Aussies watching.
I don't even want to run this bloody country!
This is the great US!
Yes, and I'm the great NI, that's Not Interested. Still on air, aren't I?
Right! So, next? Education! I've assigned a Ms. Laura Roslin to run your Education. She's got a good bit of experience in it, and should I die at some point, she can run the country in a snap. Good? Good!
Now, for decrees. I'm required a few.
For my first decree as President I am going to place all major decisions and responsibilities in the hands of my Vice President and our cabinet---though any cabinet changes he may wish to make are entirely up to him. I shall travel in my TARDIS.
Doctor, you can't---
You are required to obey me, I am President-Lord-Thing am I not! My cabinet has full executive decisions, first decree made by the Lord President Thing Doctor! According to decree by the Lord President Thing Doctor, you must completely obey decree one under penalty of something horrific! Donna, get into the TARDIS. You will turn off the camera and escort the new cabinet members to their duties.
Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 766