November 12, 1913
I have come to the rather odd conclusion that Martha is hiding something.
Being my housemaid, it should be so very easy for her to slip into the backdrop of everyday life. Is that not what maids are meant to do? Martha speaks often of me "inheriting" her, but I can honestly say I don't remember my father or mother having maids. Perhaps it is because of how they managed to blend into the scenery. While Martha does not get low marks for servility, she lacks the skills her family had in making themselves unknown.
As it is, she is always there. I feel that if I take a step or write a note, there is my housemaid looking over my shoulder, reading what I write or watching where I walk. These are, perhaps, silly paranoias. I have never been very good at adjusting to new places, and residual insecurities over my recent post change probably have set this on.
But, then again, perhaps my worry is in that she knows so much about me. My dreams seem to trace along those lines.
In my dreams she is my companion, and therefore is privy to great secrets about the Doctor---well, me. She knows about things in my rather mysterious past that I normally don't tell anyone, even the heroine Rose. In the dreams, she refuses to move unless told these things about me. The stubbornness is something I have seen often in my housemaid, so the dreams likely pull from that.
I have one dream in particular that stays with me. We have ridden in the box to a ship, a ship that flies through the stars, and I become infected with a disease of fire. It's actually quite terrifying, and I remember how afraid I am. I'm afraid, but my companion protects me. It is rather…endearing of her, actually. I remember the Doctor's opinion of her changed after that moment. Though, as dreams are always fleeting, I am afraid I can not remember to what.
I told Martha about this dream, and her eyes glistened with sadness. For a moment, while I spoke, I could almost imagine she dreamt the same dream. Can you imagine that? Dreaming the same dream as my housemaid. Positively absurd. It was most likely cultural differences, and she believed I was telling her about my actual life. Even convincing myself of these things, I am left with the feeling that she has not told me everything. Which is also absurd, because what else could she know about my dreams?
Matron Redfern---Joan, that is, tells me that Martha is simply too familiar with me, and perhaps takes a step too far. I have read that family members of servants believe themselves to be closer than outside help, and this is possibly true. Professor Luca has mentioned on more than one occasion that he believes the young woman is attracted to me, a notion I find rather silly in and of itself. On top of our obvious social and racial distinctions, the girl is quite young, and…the entire idea is ridiculous.
I think, once I begin to write my dreams out in novel form, I may make Martha the villain in the book. It would be a little out of the ordinary, having a female villain, but the stubborn nature coupled with her infinite knowledge of the Doctor might make her an adequate counterpart for the Doctor. I thought about naming her something from the college degree family, as there is the Doctor (see: Doctorate), perhaps she could be something like the Associate (Degree) or the Master (Level) or something along those lines.
However…it feels as if that title (villain) is wrong for Martha. Even as the stubborn, information-seeker in the dreams, she never truly strikes me as someone with poor intentions for the Doctor. She seems to wish to help him in every way, even as she frustrates and annoys him.
Not, I suppose, unlike my own Martha in the waking world. As I look up from writing these words, I see her looking over at me just for a moment, and she looks away. As in the classical term Déjà vu, I remember seeing the same look from the dream-Martha towards the Doctor. A look of affection and adoration that she swiftly hides. My own Martha's look is one of sadness.
I can not help but wonder what it is she is not telling me.
Muse: The Doctor (Ten) / John Smith
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 747