"Besides," he said, "My crew, they're off in the Himalayas, we've got the place to ourselves. And I haven't been drunk in a year. Positively tragic, I’m telling you."
Martha concurred, then tilted her head at the Doctor, "You CAN get intoxicated, can't you? Alien metabolism and all?"
Many tiny glasses later, the Doctor laid on the gray grate outside of Jack's office, his tie around his head, singing a few bars of "Have You Met Miss Jones?" He didn't know all the lyrics, but he did his best. Martha was giggling in the office, though that was probably because Jack was showing her an advanced form of a 'pass the orange without your hands' game the Doctor remembered from the 1950's that was made more complex because it involved tiny glasses of hypervodka rather than large fruit.
The Doctor figured out it was really just an excuse to snog people. Found that out when he realized Jack was purposefully making him lose. Troublemaker.
His two human companions emerged from the office, Martha looking rather mussed and Jack looking rather smug. They dropped on either side of their drunken Doctor. Jack handed him a fresh glass of vodka.
"And so I said 'Ms. Jones, you're a doctor who knows the math…'"
"Not the lyrics, Doctor," Jack corrected.
"Shhhh, I’m adjusting it to fit our own doctor Jones here." He grinned at Martha, who blushed and giggled before swallowing her glass of alcohol. She was very giggly when she became intoxicated, that was very…cute.
"So, now that we're all ridiculously pissed, Jack, what do we do next?" the Doctor asked.
"Well," Jack waggled his eyebrows, "I know what I'd do next. Top list of sexual fantasies involve Time Lords and sexy human companions."
"Jack," the Doctor waved his glass at the man, his words a little slurred, "You should…oh, why do I even try? You're just going to keep doing it."
"Damn right," Jack replied, swallowing his drink and grinning. He regarded the Doctor for a few moments, then glanced up at Martha.
"This is the point in intoxication where we start to have fun conversations, am I right, doctor Jones?" Jack grinned.
"Fun conversations?" Martha rolled her eyes. "What, like, how you lost your virginity or something?"
And cue the Doctor choking on his drink. "You lot actually talk about that sort of thing? Ever?"
"Have you ever even had sex, Doctor?" Martha asked, "You're always so…bloody uptight." She gestured a bit overly emphatically as she spoke, and as a result, she wound up getting a little dizzy and giggling.
"Awww, come on now, Martha," Jack patted the Doctor's shoulder in a most patronizing fashion, "I'm sure our Doctor here has loads of interesting conquests. He's just too gentlemanly to say anything."
"Ex-act-ly," the Doctor nodded in Jack's direction and finished up his drink quickly.
"That being the case, he isn't too embarrassed to tell us about one of his sexual fantasies, though, am I right?" Jack grinned madly.
"Shall I tell you mine?" Martha's eyes twinkled as she put down her drink and began to explain with fun, rather crude gestures. "I have this one involving those frozen fruits from Dephitus---did the Doctor take you to Dephitus, Jack? They're so smooth and cold…you can imagine that absolutely fantastic things could be done with them. And they're sweet, too, like rock sugar that just melts on your tongue." She glanced over at the Doctor, and Jack gave a short nod, both knowing who exactly was part of that sexual fantasy.
"Ooooh, Doctor Jones, rockin' the food and the temperature fetishes, I like it, I like it." Jack picked up his glass and clinked it against hers. "I'll have to see what I can do about getting those imported."
"Jack…" The Doctor gave his companion a warning look, and then shook his head, "This conversation's a bit tooooo much for me, I think."
"Awww, Doc, you're not gonna share?" Jack looked genuinely disappointed.
"Of course I'm not!"
Martha laughed, "He's too uptight, you'll never get it out of him. Probably something far too kinky or weird or alien or whatever."
"It is not!"
"I bet you're right, Martha," Jack nodded. "It's probably enough to shock me, and let me tell you, that takes a bit."
"We'll just have to imagine what the Doctor's sexual fantasies could be---"
"Right!" The Doctor sat up and pointed at Jack, then turned his pointing at Martha, then returned it to Jack. "Right, I do not talk about that sort of thing because I just don't, all right? I don't even have a sexual fantasy! That's not the way I am."
"Doctor, anyone who has had sex and enjoyed it ever has a sexual fantasy, even you," Jack replied, pouring the other man another shot of hypervodka, "So just…spill it. Quit being a prude. It's me and Martha, we're not going to judge you!"
From the way Martha's cheeks reddened, the Doctor had a funny feeling she might.
"Fine, fine fine." The Doctor opened his mouth to say his fantasy, then closed it. Words were rather difficult at this moment, and forming what exactly he wanted was even more difficult.
"So, there's…." The way they were looking at him so intently was a bit unnerving. "So, there's this planet. Aphrodisa 4. Just outside of the Kasteberous system, heard about it when I was at the Academy. The air is infused with tiny aphrodisiacs, and it's got the Earth climate of a tropical beach. The sand is supposed to feel like satin, and the air is thick and dripping with seduction." He took a breath. "Yeah, I think I'd like a romantic weekend there."
Jack blinked. "So your sexual fantasy is a place you want to go?"
"Figures," Martha snorted.
"What's wrong with a place? It's something I've always wanted to do!"
"Nothing, Doctor, that's…very, very, you." Martha grinned madly, then leaned her head on his shoulder. "And I'll know you're really serious instead of being an enormous tease when we travel there."
The Doctor had no idea what she meant by that, but it was probably something he'd have to pretend he forgot later on.
"Now, we've already mentioned my sexual fantasy," Jack said, "How about a few more rounds, then we try acting it out?" He leaned forward and unbuttoned the top three buttons on the Doctor's shirt. Martha's grin widened and she pressed it into the Doctor's neck.
"Sure we ca---wait, what?"
Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,141