"I'm not being difficult, Master. You're just not explaining yourself properly."
"How often do I ask anything of you?"
"At least three times a day."
"Yes, well, fine. But never with this urgency."
"That's actually not true---"
"Oh, would you shut it? I need you to go to a Sainsburys. Right now. I don't care what collar or cuffs or whatever you put on me, we have to go and buy these things."
"For you? What could you possibly need with---"
"For me, eighteen months ago! You don't want to cause a paradox, do you?"
"Yes. I remember myself, with you, bringing these things to me. It has to happen; otherwise you're dooming the Earth."
"How do I know you're not lying?"
"Well, you're just going to have to trust me, aren't you?"
"Yeaaaaah, we'll see on that. In another lifetime, I might've referred to you as the Prince of Deceit. And that means you're probably being deceitful."
"For all you know, I'm not. Ooooh, what a delightful quandary for the dear Doctor. Shall you risk the planet, or believe the enemy…?"
Long pause. Heavy sigh. "Fine. We'll go. But just this once. I'm not indulging you again."
"You love indulging me."
"I think not. And I'll go in and buy the things, you stay in here."
"Fine. But I have to be the one to give the items to myself eighteen months ago."
"All right. What was it you needed again?"
"Spermicidal jelly and a six-pack of Heineken."
"What could you possibly---"
"Heineken to offer to Lucy to stop her from leaping off a building when her parents told her she wasn't what they wanted. Spermicidal jelly…well, that's for after we're done the six-pack."
"You can't get her pregnant."
"Yes, but she doesn't know that. Well, not yet. She will, eventually. All conversations will find themselves in due course."
"Right, right, fine. Ridiculous. This whole situation is ridiculous."
"Oh, and you have to pay."
"You kidnapped me off the Valiant. I have no money. You have to pay."
"I only have ten quid left on me!"
"That'll have to do, Doctor. This is a matter of paradoxical importance."
"I'm beginning to doubt your---"
"You doubted it from the beginning, I understand that. Are we there yet?"
"Did you just say---"
"No, we are not there yet. Why the rush, we are in a time machine?"
"This machine doesn't like me."
"I wouldn't like you too, after what you did to---"
"Can you stop harping on that?"
"Harping on it? You cannibalized my TARDIS!"
"Yes, yes, and it's all fixed now. Are we there yet?"
"Don't forget what you need to buy."
"Yes, Master. I understand." Sigh. "I can't believe I'm about to spend my last £10 on birth control and beer."
Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 528