"Banana daiquiri, please."
"Sissy drink if'n I ever heard one."
"Diet coke with vodka."
"Ain't like you gotta worry 'bout that figure, yer lookin' awful nice already."
"Scotch. Make it a double. A very big one."
"Now ain't that---"
"Are you quite done insulting everyone else's drinks? Don't you have your own to pick?"
"The waitress is waiting."
"What's she waitin' fer?"
"Order your bloody drink."
"Ya ain't gotta start getting' hostile. Gimme a glass a water."
"Oh, don't drink that on account of your figure---"
"Lookit. I gotta be watchin' the ship when I get back, dong ma? Mal'll tan my hide if'n I been drinkin'. Can't be showin' up all---"
"Ship, yes, you mentioned this. Firefly class, right? S'fascinating, really. I've read about Firefly class ships, never actually seen one!"
"Whatever. You gonna deal---what was your name, again, luv?"
"Allison. And I will."
"He gets to call you by your first name, but I gotta call you 'Doctor Cameron'?"
"That don't seem rightly fair, now."
"Life's not fair. I don't get to call her Allison."
"Yeah, but that's cause you ain't got a first name for her. It's them nancy-boy accents, ain't it?"
"However did you get to be so brilliant?"
"Well, it weren't schoolin'. Also, how come she gets to be dealer?"
"Because 'e doesn't know 'ow, and nobody trusts you."
"I trust me."
"Are you sure you've never met anyone named Saxon?"
"No, I 'aven't, and I wish you'd stop askin' me that."
"It's a perfectly reasonable question, you bear a striking resemblance---"
"It was a perfectly reasonable question the third time you asked it!"
"I know who he's referring to. Prime Minister of Great Britain, right? I remember reading about that. Vanished right after the President was assassinated. You do look a bit like him."
"I'm DI Sam Tyler, and that's the end of it!"
"Don't hear a drumming in your head? Call to war or anything?"
"What the ruttin' hell're you goin' on about?"
"The good Doctor here's got 'is people a bit messed up, is all. You gonna deal, luv, or what?"
"Don't snap at me, I'm dealing."
"And I was just asking. Honestly, can't ask someone a reasonable question nowadays."
"Where the hell's that waitress? I need my gorram drink already."
"You all are so impatient. I'm not dealing because the cards need shuffling, he's not answering because he's fed up with being asked, and it's not here because they're blending the banana daiquiri."
"How'd you know that?"
"Because the bar is right over there. It's a pretty good bet not a lot of people in this bar order daquiris."
"Why not? They're brilliant!"
"Cause only sly schoolboys want 'em?"
"Yeah, ain't you a schoolboy? Or somethin'?"
"Don't ask him questions."
"Right. Texas Hold 'Em?"
"Took you long enough. Hey, ABDC whatever, you all right with Texas, bein' from…whaddya call it…?"
"I have played it before."
"I haven't, but I'll figure it out."
"Nobody asked you."
"Quit picking on him."
"Yeah, quit picking on me!"
"You're supposed to be the Oncoming Storm or somethin', right? So why're you so pissy about bein' picked on?"
"Stop it. This is supposed to be fun. Remember, boys? Fun? And I was thinking it's pretty nice, all of us getting to meet like this."
"Ain't nothin' wrong with meetin' a fine lady like yerself."
"Are you really the only female around here? That's…well, that's a bit pathetic, I think. Should be a bit more equal-opportunity than that."
"Ain't no such thing as equal-whatertoonities. Gotta take what you can git. You should be knowin' this, ain't you a doctor?"
"Don't ask him questions."
"Yes, yes I am. Oooooh, that's a good card."
"Let me see…"
"Don't show him your card. Nobody's supposed to know what those two cards are, all right."
"Not even when they match up with the three over there?"
"Especially if they match up with the three over there. That's why you make bets. Are you new or what?"
"They illegalized gambling on my planet."
"This is called the flop. First three cards, and we all make bets."
"Next one's called the turn. Final card's the river. Winner with the highest hand gets the pot."
"I think…nope, nope, I'm fairly lost."
"Too bad, I thought we explained it pretty well."
"Not a bad team, I'd say, Allison."
"Now, here I thought you was a cop, an' she was the gynecologist, not the other way 'round."
"I'm a diagnostician."
"Big words means they've got somethin' to do with them bits nobody likes talkin' about."
"What the ruttin' hell's that supposed to be?"
"Don't ask him questions!"
"I'm in for five."
"She's tryin' to change the subject."
"And you're not in this round, so shut it."
"You heard him."
"No, no, you have to go up, or you stand at ten."
"It's the rules."
"Oh. Okay. Uh, fifteen."
"And I'll stand at fifteen. Show."
"Both of them?"
"No, just the first card. Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"
"Thought you said we wasn't askin' him no questions."
"You know what? You all are drivin' me mad. I'm goin' to have a drink over there with DCI Hunt. Man's a bastard, but he's saner than all of you."
"Sam, wait, you don't have to go---"
"An' there he goes. Ain't so bad a feller, once he gets that stick removed from his pee-goo."
"You do realize you're not speaking English, right?"
"I wasn't tryin' to."
"I give up."
"Does that mean I win?"
"Yeah, bud. You win."
"Excellent, because I had a terrible hand."
"But you said---"
"It's called bluffing, you honestly think I'm 900 years old and I've never played a game of poker before?"
"Never a dull night."
"No, it ain't."
Muse(s): The Doctor (Ten), Jayne Cobb, Dr. Allison Cameron, Sam Tyler
Fandom(s): Doctor Who, Firefly / Serenity, House, MD, Life on Mars
Word Count: 1,100