ANNOYING NUMBERS IN THE UPPER LEFT CORNER: *are annoying*
TARDIS: *appears on the Ood Sphere*
THE OOD SPHERE: *is pretty much the same graphics from "Planet of the Ood", but don't tell anyone!*
OOD SIGMA: *has been standing out here in the cold for for-freaking-ever*
THE DOCTOR [sticking his head out of the TARDIS]: Blimey! It's cold! It's cold and I'm in a panama hat and I've got this flower necklace thing! It's funny!
OOD SIGMA: I brought you tea but it's cold now. Because you delayed. And you never call.
THE DOCTOR: I thought you told me you wanted me to die and not to call you anymore.
OOD SIGMA: No, I told you that you were going to die. Nothing about calling. Though after that whole situation with Christina---
THE DOCTOR: ANYWAY, let's talk about how funny I am. I did a bunch of stuff! Saved a few planets, saw some cool things, caused a really awesome character to commit suicide, named a galaxy Allison! THAT'S FUNNY!
OOD SIGMA: *feels no humor*
ADELAIDE BROOKE FANS: *feel no humor*
WHO_ANON: Wait, there are Adelaide Brooke fans? We've been trying to call you out for the last week, now!
ME: OKAY IT IS JUST ME, ALL RIGHT? JESUS.
THE DOCTOR: Anyway. Oh! And I got married to Queen Bess!
THE DOCTOR: And remember Queen Bess's nickname, eh, eh, eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge?
THE DOCTOR: It's funny, right?
[the lights dim, and the scene cuts to an older woman in a bright orange cardigan, sitting at a desk]
EVELYN SMYTHE: Thank you for taking the time out to sit here with me and correct a bit of this broken history. You see, while Queen Elizabeth---from a time period I am most familiar with!---was known as "the Virgin Queen", this was more from those who worshipped her for her saint-like image. It is fairly widely known, and was widely known at the time, that she took a number of lovers. None of which were the skinny braggart you see carelessly throwing about sexual exploits he has no business saying!
SIXTH DOCTOR: That's quite enough now, Evelyn, we should get going---
EVELYN SMYTHE: That is certainly not enough! I will be---
[screen cuts to static]
[screen cuts back to the Ood Sphere]
OOD SIGMA: You must come with me.
THE DOCTOR: That's what she said.
OOD SIGMA: Now.
THE DOCTOR: That's what she---oh! All right. Let me just lock up the TARDIS… *wink wink wink*
DOCTOR/TARDIS FANS: *GLEE*
THE TARDIS: *has a new clicking sound effect*
DOCTOR/TARDIS FANS: *disappointed*
THE DOCTOR: I locked it like a car!
OOD SIGMA: *has no idea what a car is*
THE DOCTOR: I locked it like a car! THAT'S FUNNY!
OOD SIGMA: We are not amused.
ROSE TYLER: *owes the Doctor ten quid*
[the Ood Sphere is very pretty and very NOT LIKE PLANET OF THE OOD, OKAY? Except it absolutely is like Planet of the Ood]
THE DOCTOR: How old are you, Ood Sigma?
OOD SIGMA: A gentleman never asks a lady her age.
THE DOCTOR: You're still miffed I stood you up all this time, aren't you?
OOD SIGMA: *changes facebook status to "It's Complicated with The Doctor"*
THE DOCTOR: This is all really impressive, though. How long did it take you to make this CG graphic? Which would make you HOW old??
OOD SIGMA: One hundred years.
SIGNIFICANT CAMERA SWIPE: *is significant!*
THE DOCTOR: This means something! There's no way you can construct that many pixels in one hundred years. or call me, for that matter.
OOD SIGMA: I borrowed Martha Jones's mobile.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, that sorts that out, then.
OOD SIGMA: But the mind of the Ood is troubled.
THE DOCTOR: I understand that. Take some fiber.
OOD SIGMA: Every night, Doctor. Every night we have bad dreams.
THE DOCTOR: Is it the one about the giant banana chasing you down the street?
OOD SIGMA: No.
THE DOCTOR: How about the one where you're forced to do a show with Jedward*?
*Which is actually a pop duo from the X-Factor and does not have anything to do with Jacob/Edward or Twilight.
OOD SIGMA: No.
THE DOCTOR: Is it---
OOD SIGMA: Why don't you just come down and share the dreaming with us?
THE DOCTOR: Yeah, she said that, too.
[Inside a dark and spooky and not at all CG rendered cave]
SPOOKY OOD WITH A BRAIN HEAD: It is returning, returning, returning. And he is returning, and they are returning…
THE DOCTOR: *gets ready to break into the chorus of the Pronoun Song*
OOD SIGMA: You will sit with the Elder of the Ood and share the dreaming.
THE DOCTOR: *is not at all awkward to be sitting with all of these spooky brain-holding Ood* Hello! *cough* I mean, Hello!
OOD: You will join! You will join! You will join!
[everyone puts their brain into their lap and takes hands]
MASTER/DOCTOR SHIPPERS WHO EXPECTED THAT CLIP FROM THE TRAILER TO BE THE DOCTOR HOLDING THE MASTER'S HAND: *weep*
SIGNIFICANT DIP TO WHITE: *is significant!*
THE MASTER: *laughs maniacally!* HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
THE DOCTOR: That man is dead! There are ten dozen fix it stories that will be Joss'd from this!
THE MASTER: HAHAHAHAHA! HE LOCKED IT LIKE A CAR! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Can't wait until Christmas!