August 17th, 2006

doctor/tardis on top of the world

for fandom_muses: Topic 34, Desperate Measures

"Desperate affairs require desperate measures. " - Horatio Nelson

Timelords don't love like other species love. There's no "falling in" and "falling out", it just happens and then it is. Pain from the loss of a spouse or a lover can last for centuries, if not longer. Most often it was accustomed for Timelords to never marry or even take a partner for the fact that loss is so horrifically devastating. Causes Timelords to do drastic and horrific things. Like circle their TARDIS around a supernova to keep open a breach which could sever the whole of two universes. All for a simple good-bye.

Ah, that tiny little breach.

Shift in the universe, that brilliant little crack that I had found, keeping it open, even with the power of a supernova behind me, and the strength of the TARDIS could've been enough to destroy the entire universe, rip it apart. I knew this, I did, I knew it was wrong. I thought about the thousands of billions of lives that I could've been risking because of it, how they were innocent, unknowing...but...I had to, you see. I had to see her. That last look before her father pulled her away, I needed more than that.

Closure? Perhaps that's the word, I'm not really sure. Sort of thing doesn't translate very well. 'Course, it could just be me. Suppose in a few centuries I'll have it fully sorted out.

Rose is---heh, Rose was, as this universe has chosen to decide that she's no longer living---something of a mystery to me in and of herself. I suppose, when bitterness strikes at its finest, I can admit she was really just a person, just a human. This silly, stupid, simple, so very, very blonde human who wore too much makeup and dressed a bit like a chav. All the same she...

You know that feeling when someone just fits? Was a bit like that with Rose. She was imperfect but she was...she was good, and a quick thinker. Fun, excited, adventurous. Got right up into history's face and talked at them with the wrong verbs, used the wrong currency. She was fantastic.

I remember a time we sat atop a lava-encrusted cliff side in Ferenox. The cooled lava was hard, so we sat on my coat, a glass of lemonade for each of us. Thousands of miles down was a boiling lake of lava, but on top of the cliff it was cool, the air from the thinning atmosphere making us almost giddy. She told some joke that she'd heard from Jack, it was disgustingly filthy, and she was extremely surprised that I even got it...and we were lying there next to each other, just laughing. Just...enjoying life. I don't want to say it was the best moment in my life because I couldn't honestly say if it were true,'s up there for moments in the last century or so.

Wasn't much after that we decided to visit her Mum again, that day where the ghosts were in full-force, stronger than ever, the day she...the day I...

I can't---

Timelords don't grieve so much as remember. It comes a bit in bursts of memory, each as strong as the last, usually in some vague sense of order, usually chronological. I couldn't have that last glance of hers...I couldn't have that be the last of my memories of her, screaming to not be thrown into the Void, into Hell.

And I could've ripped the world apart, destroyed two universes, just to say good-bye.

It was worth it. Just to have that feeling of complete, that I could know she would be all right without me, that she was doing more than working back in some stupid shop. And she is. Rose Tyler, defender of Earth. I knew she would do something brilliant with her life.

I just kind of hoped it would've been with me.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word: 646