A Servant to Time and Consequence (rude_not_ginger) wrote,
A Servant to Time and Consequence
rude_not_ginger

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On Gallifrey One and Why I Won't Be Around For a While

First thing's first. I will be attending Gallifrey One. I'll be arriving in LA around noon on the 18th. Yes, yes, I'll be missing opening ceremonies and lobbycon, but I will be there. Anyone else attending?

Also, I wanted to explain quickly why my playtime with the Doctor has been so extremely limited. It's not so much that I'm not online, it's just very difficult for me to play right now.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I lost a beloved family member on 9 January 2011. It was my mother, she passed away very suddenly. Her and I had our many problems, but we were still very close.

My mom introduced me to Doctor Who in 1995. I was 10. She had found out about it from her friend on one of the Prisoner forums during the 90's. Yes, my mom was a BNF for the Prisoner, and even appeared on the Sci-Fi channel and in the New York Times (albeit as her screenname, roses) about the show. She looked Doctor Who up on Public Television and, after determining that it wasn't too scary for her daughter, had me sit up and watch episodes with her. We watched Arc of Infinity that first Saturday-at-midnight, I remember, and ate nachos. It became a sort of girls' night for us, sitting up at midnight on Saturdays, watching Doctor Who, and just loving it. We spent the next eight years watching the show together, buying VHS copies of it, joking about fanfiction, and generally being fangirly nerds.

When I moved out in 2002, my mom and I had a pretty bad falling out. We didn't talk for a few years, didn't really communicate at all. In 2006, after I had finally sucked it up and watched the new series of Doctor Who, I was compelled to call my mom and tell her how amazing I thought the new show was. It was our first conversation in a very long time, and it was about Christopher Eccleston's butt. Well, specifically, how it was such a non-Doctorly butt, and she reminded me that Paul McGann had a pretty unconventionally Doctorly butt. She was, of course, a member of the Paul McGann Estrogen Brigade back when forums were text-based only.

I don't really believe in fate, but I always thought it was interesting that my mom's name was Rose and mine is Martha, and they were the first two companions of the new series. Mom, of course, loved Rose immensely and was always arguing with me over how she was better with the Doctor than Martha. Can you imagine those conversations?

Over the next few years, we engaged in more than a few debates over Doctor Who, even after she moved to another part of the country. She didn't fancy David Tennant all that much, and I told her that he was my favorite ever. I kept promising to send her some of my fanfiction, but I could never really find something I thought she'd approve of. She fell madly in love with Matt Smith's interpretation of the Doctor, and told me the burned DVDs I had sent her of the show (before it aired on BBCAmerica) were really a lifesaver, and made her time living way out in the middle of nowhere bearable. She would go on about how much she admired Smith's acting, how amazing she thought he was. She even told me she was working on a fanfiction with her boy (Matt) and my boy (David) facing off against aliens together. "Not the characters," she'd said, "The actors." I don't know if she finished it or not, but I know I had been looking forward to it, even though I loathe RPF. After all, it would be fanfic by my mom.

My mom and I are very different people. Our mutual love for a silly sci-fi TV show gave us something to talk about, debate about, and helped us both stay together, even when things were tough. We've been through a lot, my mom and me, and we always managed to find time to talk about our show. The last time we hung out, back in September, we spent the entire weekend smoking cigarettes, eating fried food, and watching the Doctor Who specials. She still advocated that Matt Smith's stories were better than David Tennant's, and what was up with his hair by the end, really? A few weeks later, I got an Eleventh Doctor sonic screwdriver in the mail, along with a copy of the fifth series, as I told my mom I didn't have the money to buy it yet.

Our last conversation was about the blooper reel on the new series DVD. She wanted me to watch it, because, as she had said, there was nothing funnier than seeing Matt Smith and "that guy from 'The Lodger'" singing the Doctor Who theme. I promised her I'd watch it at some point and call her back.

Her death hit me very hard. And, therefore, writing fanfiction and roleplay for a TV show we both loved is very hard. I had originally planned to close this journal permanently after her death, but decided that my mother would be positively pissed if I gave up something I loved over her. She'd want me to keep writing.

And I will, eventually. Just please be patient.

Please, if you got through that, don't bombard this page with "Sorry for your loss"es. I really can't take much more of that. This isn't a call for pity, it's just something to explain where I've been and will be.
Tags: other things: in memory of rose
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