• I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile
Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Now all that's left
Are the pieces to find
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise
Where are you
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me. •
Rose thinks it will be hardest when she's standing there, saying goodbye, but it isn't.
Oh, it's hard. It's very hard. She begs him to stay, to come back. She needs him, and maybe she didn't realize it before, maybe that's why she pushed him away so often. But please. Please don't go.
Or maybe it's please go, with us, don’t stay.
But he says he has to.
And who is she to argue? It's not as if he has anything waiting for him back at home. Her mother'll be heartbroken, but she's gotten over far worse. Oh, it'll be hard telling her, and telling his stupid estranged mother, too, but this goodbye should be the hardest.
Rose thinks it will be hardest when the TARDIS takes off, but it isn't.
She hides in her bedroom and slams her eyes shut, trying to block out the hum of the walls and the whirring sensation when she knows they've finally taken off. Taken off and left him behind. Her oldest friend, first lover, favorite cook---why did he have to go? Doesn't he get it?
The Doctor, he gets it. He knows she can be sassy and mean and self-centered but he doesn't care. He doesn't need to be shown love and affection, so why does she have to for him? Can't he get it, too?
But it's too late, and the TARDIS is gone, leaving him behind. That should be it, she thinks. That should be the hardest moment.
Rose thinks it will be hardest when he tries to comfort her, but it isn't.
He's gone, and she didn't realize how important he was until he left. Maybe she didn't get it, didn't realize how much she loved him, or how much he loved her. But now, now that she has no way to say she'll go back to him later, now she wishes he was here, now.
"Maybe it isn't about you," the Doctor says, leaning against the door, watching her cry silently. He sighs. "My first mate, he ran off when we were young. Well, I ran off, but when I came back he was gone. It hurts, but it isn't about---"
"Take me home."
He hops off from where he's leaning, looking at her sadly. "Home?"
"Not forever," she corrects, immediately. "Just to tell my Mum. She needs to know."
He nods, and heads to the console room.
They never discuss it again. She thinks that should be the hardest it will be.
Rose thinks it will be hardest when she has to tell her mother, but it isn't.
Her mum doesn't cry, and that's hard. She just sits there, her brow creasing up in worry, but she doesn't sob, she doesn't even tear up.
"Is he going to be happy, you think?"
Rose can't answer, but the Doctor speaks up. "He will," he says, with all of the confidence of a man who knows time.
"And he'll be safe?" Rose's mum asks. Her voice cracks, just slightly, under the weight of how much she's had to lose, but she still doesn't cry.
The Doctor doesn't answer, because he doesn't know. It's worse, somehow.
And she thinks that will be the hardest, the hardest ever.
It's hardest when he grieves.
It only happens once. Two weeks after they've left, and they've packed up from the place that couldn't possibly have had the real Satan living inside of it, and they're all smiles and excitement.
"And let me tell you," he says. "Mickey the Idiot will be really impressed when I tell him that---"
And that's when he remembers. The smile on his face vanishes.
Mickey the Idiot is gone. He's gone, and they've told everyone who knew him that he's dead. For all they know, he could be.
Without a word, he turns and leaves the console room. He doesn't say where he's going, and she doesn't think to ask him. She just watches him go, wondering what it's like when a Time Lord misses someone.
She wonders what Mickey would think, knowing he's missed.
She doesn't cry this time, she just sits in the console room, lonely.
That's when it's the worst.
Muse: Rose Tyler
Fandom: Doctor Who
I DID NOT DO THE PAIRING YOU WANTED BUT I INCLUDED HIM AS A CHARACTER! <3<3