A Servant to Time and Consequence (rude_not_ginger) wrote,
A Servant to Time and Consequence
rude_not_ginger

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for fandom_muses: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, Will You?

[the sounds of pandemonium. Everyone is talking at once, echoing off of the dull hum of the TARDIS console room]

DOCTOR: Right, everyone, calm down, please.

[more noise, they're all clearly upset]

DOCTOR: I mean it, guys---

[they're not listening]

DOCTOR: [whistles loudly]

[immediate silence]

DOCTOR: That's better. Now, I'm sorry to have to do this to you all, but I had to bring you out of your timelines for a very important reason.

DONNA: It had better be important, John-whatever-your-name-is. I was gettin' my nails done!

LUCIE: Yeah! I've still got curlers in my hair when you blipped me up here with that—that blippy thing!

DOCTOR: Blippy thing?

FITZ: Seriously. You both were at the flippin' barber's?

DONNA: [simultaneous] He's not a barber!

LUCIE: [simultaneous] It's a stylist!

ANTIMONY: But both of the names mean the same thing.

LUKE: Yeah! They're synonyms in a thesaurus.

ANTIMONY: I think they are acting very silly.

LUKE: Clyde says this is how girls are.

ANTIMONY: Aaaah.

LUCIE: Oi! I'll show you how girls are!

SARAH-JANE: Excuse me! That's my son you're talking to!

ROSE: Right, can we focus? [calmer] Doctor, why did you bring us here?

DOCTOR: [sigh] Finally.

ROSE: Because, really if I have to stand around with all of your ex-girlfriends---

CHARLEY: [simultaneous] I beg your pardon!

MICKEY: [simultaneous] We aren't all girls, you know!

ACE: [simultaneous] I'm not his flippin' girlfriend!

ERIMEM: [simultaneous] This is all terribly ridiculous.

JACK: You know, I'm actually all right with being a girlfriend.

MICKEY: You would be.

BENNY: [whistles even louder than the Doctor, everyone goes dead quiet]

DOCTOR: Thank you. Now, we've got a very serious situation at hand.

ERIMEM: Historical issues?

DOCTOR: No---

ACE: Bleedin' Time Lords again?

DOCTOR: No---

LUCIE: Oh, god, is it the Daleks?

DOCTOR: No---

HEADHUNTER: What is it, then? End of the world?

DOCTOR: What are you doing here?

HEADHUNTER: I show up unexpectedly.

DOCTOR: Oh, I should've expected that.

C'RIZZ: Doctor, if it is not something as dangerous as those, why are we here?

DOCTOR: [pauses for effect] A new series.

[and pandemonium again]

BENNY: [another whistle, everyone's silent]

DOCTOR: Now, I know what you're thinking! But this is a very important series, it follows my future incarnation. And, for the sake of canonical confusion, one of my audio companions needs a trip with his new companion, Amy.

AMY: Me?

DOCTOR: No, no, Amy Pond. You're still on Gallifrey, what are you doing here?

AMY: Sorry, I thought it was all audio companions!

BEV: That's all right, love, I’m pretty sure he didn't invite me, either.

MAJENTA: I think you're all being terribly rude. After all, I wasn't even considered for this because I haven't got a voice!

EVELYN: Are you sure it isn't because you're such an unusual shade of green?

MAJENTA: Unusual? I'm not nearly as unusual as the orange of your---what is that?

EVELYN: It's a cardigan, I'll have you know---

CHARLEY: Can't you all just stop arguing and listen to the Doctor?

THE TARDIS: [grumbles irritably]

MARTHA: What's wrong with the TARDIS, Doctor?

CHARLEY: She doesn't like me, much.

DOCTOR: Hardly your fault, Charley, but can we focus, here?

ANTIMONY: I am focusing!

FITZ: Focus any harder and your eyes'll bulge.

ANTIMONY: Is there something wrong with my ocular nerves?

LUKE: They look a-okay to me!

ANTIMONY: A. O. K? Ariel Orbital Killing?

LUKE: [terribly excited to explain this] No, no! It's an expression, it means they look all right! A-okay!

ANTIMONY: I love expressions!

ROSE: Can we all just listen to the Doctor? We need to hear what he has to say!

ACE: Yeah! Go on, Doctor! We're listening.

HEX: [grumbles] I hate it when she does that. Focuses only on him.

MICKEY: Tell me about it, mate. Rose doesn't focus on much else, anymore.

HEX: Well, they ain't going to pick me, especially if a pretty bird's going to be the companion. Fancy a few rounds at the pub?

MICKEY: Yeah, that sounds brill.

[sounds of the TARDIS door opening]

DOCTOR: No, you can't---oh, they're already gone.

LUCIE: Does that mean I can leave, too?

DONNA: I'm right with blondie, here, mate. I've got a lot of things goin' on today.

DOCTOR: No one should leave, this is much too important.

PERI: Yeah, but what can we do, Doctor?

JACK: Ooooh, hello. I don't think I've met you before.

DOCTOR: Jack---

PERI: [giggles] That's all right, Doctor, I don't mind.

ERIMEM: You should, Peri. Men like him aren't to be trusted.

JACK: Oh, don't worry, there's plenty of Jack for you, too—

DOCTOR: Jack, don’t touch her there---

[crack]

JACK: [cries out in pain]

DOCTOR: Oh, well, at least it'll go back to normal, soon.

LUKE: I don't really think this is going anywhere.

ANTIMONY: I think you're right.

LUKE: Want to go down to the skateboard park?

ANTIMONY: But---there might be allosaurus.

LUKE: I don't know about allosaurus, but there are lots of ally-oops.

SARAH-JANE: All right, boys, I'll drive you. By the time we get back, he might've gotten control of all of this.

[sound of the door opening]

DOCTOR: No, Sarah, don't encourage them!

[voices talking around him get louder]

BENNY: [whistles again]

IZZY: What? Is that all you have to say?

FITZ: She can't say anything else, she's on contract with a different label.

IZZY: Really?

FITZ: Don't ask me to explain it.

KLEIN: If we could all just calm down and let him pick someone for this series? I really think that would be best for all parties.

DOCTOR: Klein! I left you back in Colditz! What are you doing here?

KLEIN: I am your companion, now.

DOCTOR: Don't be stupid, I don't have any reason to pick you up. Get out of here. Take that Headhunter with you!

HEADHUNTER: OOooh, bit grumpy, isn't he?

KLEIN: I noticed. I must say, though, I like your boots.

HEADHUNTER: Oh, with the sharp buckles?

KLEIN: Very devious.

HEADHUNTER: I thought so. I like the look of your sidearm.

[voices trail off, door shuts again]

LUCIE: You're not going to pick anyone any time soon, are you?

ROSE: Really keen to leave, aren't you?

LUCIE: Can't help it, I fancy my own Doctor.

ROSE: You mean…

LUCIE: Eww, not like that. He's all old. I mean that's not really my Doctor. I want to go back to m'own.

ROSE: [sigh] Oh, all right. Go borrow one of my dresses and sneak out. I don't think he'll worry if he thinks you're me leaving. He's only really focused on you lot.

LUCIE: Really, you mean it? I can go? [glee!] Brilliant!

ROSE: Yeah, but hurry up, before he sees. I've got that floral one, in blue.

MARTHA: Do you think that's really a good idea?

ROSE: Better than having her complain.

DONNA: Too right.

ROSE: You're one to talk. You two are practically identical.

DONNA: What's that supposed to mean?

ROSE: I don't mean in a bad way!

DONNA: Oi, why don't you just go stand next to love-sick over there where you belong!

CHARLEY: I’m not love-sick!

DOCTOR: This is a nightmare.

C'RIZZ: One you have, unfortunately, brought upon yourself.

[sounds of the door opening]

FROBISHER: Sorry I'm late. I brought dinner! Who wants some?

LUCIE: [walking, footsteps stop] Is that a penguin carrying a pizza?

DONNA: Yeah, I think it is.

LUCIE: Right, now I know I've seen everything.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,237
Based on some rumors that an audio companion will travel with Eleven! Yay audios!
Tags: featuring: amy, featuring: antimony, featuring: bernice "benny" summerfield, featuring: c'rizz, featuring: captain jack harkness, featuring: charlotte "charley" pollard, featuring: donna noble, featuring: dorothy "ace" mcshane, featuring: elizabeth klein, featuring: erimem, featuring: evelyn smythe, featuring: fitz kreiner, featuring: frobisher, featuring: izzy sinclair, featuring: lucie miller, featuring: luke smith, featuring: majenta pryce, featuring: martha jones, featuring: mickey smith, featuring: perpugilliam "peri" brown, featuring: rose tyler, featuring: sarah jane smith, featuring: the headhunter, featuring: the tardis, featuring: thomas hector "hex" shofield, verse [meta]
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