A Servant to Time and Consequence (rude_not_ginger) wrote,
A Servant to Time and Consequence
rude_not_ginger

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for on_thecouch: Justify your actions.

Justify yourself.

Your words aren't your own.

It makes them less powerful.

So much less powerful, because suddenly you're being confronted as if what you've done and are doing is wrong. Why? Because when you speak your explanations, they're spoken at the same time as you by Skye, or whatever that thing is that's taken over her. Even your nonsense words are predicted and spoken.

It makes you sound scripted, fake.

Justify yourself.

They want to kill her. It's worse than self-defense because it's not really defense, she's not attacking, she's not provoking, she's just talking with them, terrifying them. She's terrifying you, too, but that's not the point.

You could tell them the things you've seen, the significantly scarier things that you've survived, but that's just going to scare them more and really you don't want this thing learning about the Daleks or the Cybermen or the Terrible Zodin, and you certainly don't want to be talking as much as you are.

She's learning, which means she's intelligent and that's fascinating but they can't see that, all they can see is their fear.

Justify yourself.

But that's the way with panicking people, isn't it? Stuff them in a scary situation and give them something they don't understand and they just turn. Turn on each other and turn on their friends and oh, well, what do you know? They just turned on you.

What's your name? Just the Doctor. Where are you from? Just a traveler. Like an immigrant? Who are you? Tell us your name! Who are you?

They've started repeating themselves and you find yourself slowly backing away. They need you, you say. They need you and they need to keep you alive. Usually this works so well, but they're just so scared and you're just not what they expect or think they need.

Justify yourself.

You're alone and because your words are only half of what they were, they just don't believe you. You're clever and somehow that's an insult.

Stupid stupid humans.

Okay, maybe it is an insult.

But they're not thinking rationally, they're panicking and their words are being stolen and somehow that makes it all right to panic more. Everyone's scared and you're usually just so good with scared people but right now they think you're too gleeful or too calm or whatever. You're not part of the panicked mob like they are so you're clearly not one of them and really you're just not but that's not the point! It's not the point!

Justify yourself.

And then she goes quiet.

Silent.

Gives them back their words. Their words, not yours. Words are power and she leaves the mob stronger and you at only half your strength. You lean down to try to reason with her and the mob gets louder. They're in it together. They've been in it together from the start.

You want to believe that this thing, this new and strange and so very fascinating thing just needs your help. But those eyes. Those aren't Mrs. Silvestry's eyes.

What does it want, Doctor? What does that mean?

They're finally asking you the questions.

And you can't reply.

No, no, that's all you can do. All you can do is reply.

Justify yourself.

Oh, look at that, I'm ahead of you.

(Oh, look at that, I'm ahead of you.)

I think it's moved.

(I think it's moved.)

I think it's letting me go.

(I think it's letting me go.)

Look at me, I can move, I can feel again. I'm coming back to life.

(Look at me, I can move, I can feel again. I'm coming back to life.)

And look at him, he can't move.

(And look at him, he can't move.)

Justify yourself.

There's silence and stillness and you're in pain and struggling and every muscle in your face and throat is tight but you can't make your head shift or your eyes look anywhere but the blue screen in front of you. The effect is something similar to anesthetic awareness, you think; your eyes are open and you're in pain but you can't cry out.

Your eyes tear and you want to move and you want to be silent silent or scream for help or Donna or help but your words aren't yours.

They aren't yours.

You can't face them. Can't fight against them. Can't possibly stand up for yourself, now. It's too late. Too late to prove anything. Too late to justify your actions and get them to see it your way.

You're helpless.

Completely helpless.

Somehow, the Daleks seem less terrifying.

Help me.

(Help me.)

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 700 not including dialogue from 4.10 'Midnight'
Tags: community: on the couch, exercise: anatomy of a scene, verse [active]: 00: canon
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