IF: Veisalgia, more commonly known as "hangover"
Coined by Jeffrey G. Wiese and co-authors from the Norwegian word kveis, "uneasiness after debauchery" and the Greek root -algia, from άλγος (álgos) or ἄχος, "pain, grief".
Characterized by: Hypoglycemia, dehydration, Acetaldehyde intoxication, and vitamin B12 deficiency.
Symptoms: Dehydration, fatigue, headache, nausea, vomiting, weakness, elevated body temperature, hypersalivation, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, irritability, sensitivity to light and noise, and general unpleasantness or grumpiness.
Causes: Ask your companion how much you drank last night. Don't forget to apologize profusely and sincerely.
Remedies and their probability of efficiency:
-Rehydration: (Suggested by Ian Chesterton, science teacher -ed.) Effectively re-constitutes missing hydration taken from the body by Ethanol alcohol's diurehtic effects. Efficiency: 92%
-Eat A Prickly Pear Cactus Fruit (Opuntia ficus indica) Prior to Drinking: (Suggested by Perpugilliam Brown, botanist -ed.) Enzymes in the fruit reduce inflammation caused by dehydration and nutrient loss. Should greatly reduce nausea, dry mouth, and loss of appetite. Efficiency: 75% Notation: Do not just rip a cactus fruit off of the plant in order to try to reduce hangover, make sure it at least has the spines removed.
-Sex, preferably with Jack Harkness: (Suggested by Jack Harkness, Casanova-impersonator for hire -ed.) Increased blood flow to help relax stressed and sore muscles, endorphins to help with pain. Plus, it is a great distraction when one is trying to remember what they did last night. Efficiency: Unknown Notation: Never, ever drink around Jack again.
-Paracetamol: (Suggested by Harry Sullivan, doctor -ed.) Excellent analgesic agent, reducing headaches and body aches. Not a great reducer of inflammation, but when coupled with lots of water can assist with healing. Efficiency: 85%
-Eat Something: (Suggested by Adric, food consumer -ed.) The consumption of heavy foods should curb nausea, and the energy from food and drink consumed should help reduce the actual hangover time. Efficiency: 97%--surprisingly enough.
-Kudzu Plant Extract: (Suggested by Jo Grant, resident A-levels dropout -ed.) If consumed before drinking, it should make the drinker drink less, so as to reduce the hangover. On a rather bad binge, however, it seems to have little to no effect. Efficiency: 50%
-Vitamin B6: (suggested by Martha Jones, another doctor -ed.) No immediate relief, but the introduction of B6 into the system should help reduce the length of the hangover. Efficiency: 80%
-Quit Complaining, take an Advil, and Go Back To Bed So I Can Sleep This Off: (suggested by Donna Noble, pain in the arse -ed.) Why are you still drinking with Donna? She's rather surly with a few pints in her. All the same, the introduction of the narcotic Codeine into the system does immediately relieve hangover headaches and bodyaches. Efficiency: 99%
Stop drinking so much. You're supposed to be a good example to your companions, Doctor. Honestly. But, by now, you've probably stopped reading this and are just going to go off and do it again.
Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 485